I’m In! My Writer’s Voice Entry #146

I’m SO excited! I made it into The Writer’s Voice! I can’t tell you how nervous I was, but I’m even more nervous now knowing Brenda Drake, Monica B.W., Krista Van Dolzer, and Cupid are out there scouring the entries for the folks they want on their team.

My fingers are crossed that they like me! I can’t thank them enough for this opportunity! Go to any of their blogs (Brenda Drake Writes, Love YA, Mother. Write. (Repeat.), or Cupid’s Literary Connection) and check out the other entries.  I’ve been reading them and there are some amazing writers out there!

Here goes nothing, I give you entry #146, Playing with Fire.

Query:

Seventeen-year-old Pollock Avery can steal anything for anyone. Her electrokinesis allows her to short out security systems with a quick zap, then it’s easy as rolling out of bed to nab a priceless painting. Since her parents’ murders, the money has kept her and her little sister out of the foster system.

When a mysterious new client offers Pollock information about the murders in exchange for stealing exclusively for him, she knows the deal is sketchy. But she can’t resist the allure of finally uncovering the killer and getting revenge. As the heists get riskier, the client grows more deceptive, and Pollock realizes he wants more than art and jewels…he wants the key to her ability.

Ending their arrangement won’t be easy, though. Pollock discovers the client will do anything to obtain the Avery sisters’ abilities, even kill them like he did their parents. When he kidnaps Pollock’s sister, she has to work fast to get her back or lose her forever. Killing a murderer won’t be simple as stealing, but Pollock’s electrokinesis packs a shocking punch.

PLAYING WITH FIRE is a 76,000 word, stand alone Young Adult novel with series potential.

First 250:

The security guard’s heavy thud echoes on the stairs below us. A static buzz fills the air as his radio clicks on.

“This is SG9. Robbery in progress at the James Anderson Museum. Two female suspects headed for the roof.”

“Are you happy now?” I huff. We burst through the roof access door and dash to the edge. The scarf covering my mouth and nose muffles my voice. “On my back, Rem.”

My sister climbs on and digs her heels into my side. I twist my long ponytail over my shoulder so she won’t use it as reins. The last time she did that I expected to be bald when we landed. I imagine my body is a spring, picturing shiny metal coils squishing against one another. My muscles contract. Tension builds.

A deep breath and…release!

Together, Rem and I leap through the night sky. I look back as the guard runs on the roof. I don’t know if he saw us jump, but right now I need to focus on the landing. I shot too far.

Gritting my teeth, I try to pull back, but it’s too late. We slam into a tall oak tree in the park a mile or so from the museum. Sharp pain shoots through my left shoulder, twigs scratch my face. I’m wedged between two small limbs. Loud cracks of splitting wood cut through the silent park as Rem tumbles off my back and falls through the branches. She better hold on to the backpack.

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62 thoughts on “I’m In! My Writer’s Voice Entry #146

  1. Pingback: The NEW Face of the Writer. « murphyslawless

  2. Oh, WOW! This sounds so much fun–the premise promises action, mystery, and adventure, and the excerpt definitely delivers! Best of luck!

  3. I’ve loved your query/concept since I first read a few bits and pieces on AW! I don’t know how an agent hasn’t already gobbled this one up, but I wish the best of luck.

  4. Oh my gosh! I LOVED THIS! I want to read the book. Now. Your voice is so clear. Your prose perfect. I laughed out loud at the bald line. You can’t not get picked!
    -#122

  5. Wow. I just want to tell everyone how much I appreciate your comments. After going on the roller coaster ride that is querying, it feels really good to read all the nice things you have to say. Thank you SO much, and good luck to all the other entrants!

  6. I want you! I love this concept–it reminds me of a fantastical UNCOMMON CRIMINALS–and the voice fits the story well. I don’t normally like first pages that dump us into the middle of action scenes, but this one reads so smoothly and has the perfect amount of character development. We’re getting to know the characters even as we flee the museum with them, and that bodes well for the rest of the manuscript. It makes me believe that you can weave plot AND character development into every scene.

    I have a few light line edits I’d suggest, but other than those, I think your query and first page are in fantastic shape. Pick me, pick me! I’d love to work with you and PLAYING WITH FIRE.

    P.S. I love Pollock’s name as well. Did her parents name her after Jackson Pollock? The fact that she’s an art thief made me wonder…

      • Hey, I’m the one happy-dancing. As I mentioned above, I love both the concept and the voice. They’re a one-two punch.

        P.S. It’s good to know I still remember something from my AP Art History class:)

  7. Well Sarah, you’ve got at least one team! I am so excited for you. I can’t wait to see how far you make it. Best of luck, you deserve it, even if the leg brace is on. Hopefully this good news will dull the pain some. Just don’t jump and down on that bad leg, Mm’kay. 🙂

    • Dahlia, I tried commenting on yours but wasn’t able to (or maybe I did and you have an inbox full of them, haha!). I thought yours had great voice and I love the MC’s perspective. Good luck!

  8. Hi SF, I’m visiting your blog from the Writer’s Voice Contest (entry #58), and I wanted to wish you the best of luck! Nice to meet you.

    Also, congrats on Krista picking your entry!

  9. Wow, congrats on getting picked! As I read your query, I was thinking, “I bet I’ll see a comment from one of the judges” and I did! Nice job, I love the concept 🙂 Seems like a very exciting mystery! Congrats!

    SC (#159)

  10. Thanks everyone!

    SC and Ashley, I tried commenting on yours but I don’t know if it worked. SC, you have such a cool premise. Ashley I love your imagery, I can practically smell the leather saddle. Good luck to all!

  11. An interesting take on “doing the wrong thing for the right reasons”. And a nice little twist in the query, just as I was donning my righteous indignation you throw in that her thievery is to keep her and her sister out of foster care. Now I’m sitting with an intriguing mix of indignation and pity – precisely the kind of stuff I like to pose myself. Good luck.

  12. Thank you all! Even though I’ve already been picked, I still jump at every comment notification because reading your comments makes me smile so much.

  13. Hi Sarah! Looks like we might be on the same team. Love the concept for PLAYING WITH FIRE. I read your other post on the contest and totally agree. What a great experience!

    -Michelle, #75

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